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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29520900">To save a life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKnight09/pseuds/StarryKnight09'>StarryKnight09</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Febuwhump 2021 [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Irondad, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:53:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29520900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryKnight09/pseuds/StarryKnight09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey kid.” He kept his tone light even as he tensed at the sight of the mess Peter had gotten himself into.</p><p>“Hey Tony.” Peter greeted him, actually using his first name for once, which was something they’d been working on ever since the snap had been reversed.  “I’m fine.  Really.  Just a little…”</p><p>“Trapped?” He supplied because that’s exactly what Peter was. </p><p> </p><p>Febuwhump Day 17: field surgery<br/>and<br/>Febuwhump Day 26: recovery</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Febuwhump 2021 [16]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138670</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>237</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Karen is reporting Peter has taken heavy damage to his left leg.” FRIDAY’s alert distracted him just enough that one of the alien assholes got a hit in and he jerked off course for a moment.</p><p>“Shit.” He swore both from the news about Peter and the armor’s damage alert flashing across his display.  He twisted in midair and shot off two successive blasts, taking out the alien that had gotten him.</p><p>“Where is he FRI?” Tony asked.  His eyes swept the ground, but he didn’t see the kid’s characteristic red suit.</p><p>“He’s currently at your two o’clock, thirty feet below ground.” FRIDAY answered.</p><p>“What?” He asked automatically because how the hell could Peter be underground?  And then he saw it.  The large crater in the earth.  Oh.  That’s how.  “Nevermind.” He muttered before FRIDAY could answer and took off in the direction of the crater.  He found the splash of red he’d been looking for at the bottom and landed next to Peter seconds later.</p><p>“Hey kid.” He kept his tone light even as he tensed at the sight of the mess Peter had gotten himself into.</p><p>“Hey Tony.” Peter greeted him, actually using his first name for once, which was something they’d been working on ever since the snap had been reversed.  “I’m fine.  Really.  Just a little…”</p><p>“Trapped?” He supplied because that’s exactly what Peter was.  His foot to midway to his knee was buried under a pile of rubble.</p><p>Peter shifted and tried to pull free but gave up after a few seconds with a growl.  “Yeah, I’m stuck.”</p><p>“Don’t worry kid.  I’ll get you out.” Tony said and maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut and not jinxed it.  The moment words were out, a loud blast echoed from above them, close enough that the ground shook.  Tony looked up with wide eyes as the wall of the crater crumbled and started sliding down toward them.</p><p>“Oh shit!” Peter yelled, unknowingly echoing Tony’s earlier curse.</p><p>Tony threw himself over the kid, bracing for the impact.  It came seconds later.  Large chunks of rock and dirt rained down around and over them, but the suit protected them.  When it finally stopped, Tony carefully moved off Peter, the rocks that had landed on his back, falling to the ground.</p><p>“You ok?” He asked, not seeing any further damage to the kid.</p><p>Peter nodded and then Tony noticed the kid’s lenses widen.  He followed Peter’s gaze behind him to see that even though the rockslide hadn’t buried them it’d piled up precariously on the pile already covering Peter’s leg.  That was going to make it even more complicated to get Peter out.</p><p>“Uh Tony?  Is it getting wet in here?” Peter asked and Tony could hear the panic in his voice.  He looked back down at Peter and swore silently.  Peter sat in an inch of water that was slowly rising.  Tony looked around and found the culprit.  The blast had ripped open an underground water main and now water was pouring out into the pit.  Not good.  Not good at all.</p><p>“Um don’t worry about it kid.  We’ll get you out of this before it’s a problem.” He tried to reassure Peter even as his own heart started racing.  “FRI be a dear and show me how I can move some of this rubble around to get the kid out.” </p><p>FRIDAY was silent for a long handful of seconds, which was never a good sign given how much computing power she had. </p><p>“I’m sorry boss but there’s no way to dislodge any rubble without bringing the entire thing down on yourselves.” FRIDAY answered in his ear.  That was definitely not what he wanted to hear.</p><p>The water had risen from one inch to two in that short amount of time.</p><p>“Need some help?” Rhodey asked as he landed at Peter’s other side.</p><p>Tony nodded, relieved at seeing his friend even though they were in quite a predicament.  “Yeah.  Got any bright ideas for how to get the kid out?”</p><p>Rhodey knelt down to closely study the rock pile where Peter’s leg disappeared.</p><p>“What if we vaporize this rock?” His friend suggested, pointing to the rock right above Peter’s leg.</p><p>“No.  FRIDAY says dislodging any of these rocks will bring the whole thing down on us.”</p><p>“Like bad tetris.” Rhodey huffed and then grabbed Peter’s leg and tugged.</p><p>Peter let out a surprised cry of pain.</p><p>“Sorry.” Rhodey apologized.  “Yeah, he’s stuck.”</p><p>“I could’ve told you that.” Peter complained, pulling his mask off so he could glare at Rhodey.</p><p>While Tony had FRIDAY run a more detailed analysis of the rocks on the pile just in case she’d missed something, Rhodey examined every angle around the rocks covering Peter’s leg.</p><p>“It’s too bad we can’t pull him out this way.” Rhodey mumbled.  “There’s a gap here.”</p><p>“Hm?” Tony came closer.</p><p>Rhodey pointed to what he was talking about and frowned.  There was a hole out the other side of the rubble that you could see straight through to Peter’s foot.  Rhodey reached his arm in and grabbed Peter’s foot.</p><p>“Can you feel that Pete?” Rhodey asked.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re touching my foot.” Peter answered.</p><p>“Circulation’s intact.”</p><p>“Ok great, but this doesn’t help us.” Tony shook his head, trying to get his friend back on track.  “The hole’s not big enough to drag him through.”</p><p>Rhodey nodded and let go of Peter’s foot as he said softly, “Yeah.  You’re right.”</p><p>“Um hey guys?  I don’t mean to rush you or anything, but uh, can you hurry it up?” Peter interrupted and Tony glanced overn at him to see the water was up to his waist.  Shit that had happened fast.</p><p>“Any way you can get the water to stop?  Buy us some more time?” Tony asked and Rhodey took off with a nod to go check.  Tony didn’t want to go himself because it’d mean leaving the kid and he could tell Peter was trying his hardest not to panic.</p><p>“It’s all right Pete.  We’re going to figure this out.” He gave his shoulder a squeeze.</p><p>“In depth analysis completed boss.” FRIDAY announced.</p><p>“Yeah.  And?” He asked, expecting FRIDAY to have a workable answer.  There was no way they couldn’t move a single rock to get the kid out.</p><p>“No viable solution exists.” She answered in his ear.</p><p>“Well that can’t be possible.” He mumbled.  The very odds of that were ridiculous.  Laughable even.</p><p>“What?” Peter asked, sounding actually scared now.</p><p>“Nothing.” He shook his head.  “Don’t worry.  Just a screw loose with FRIDAY.”</p><p>“What did she say?”</p><p>Tony went back to studying the wall of rubble in front of him as if he could solve a problem his AI said was impossible, but then again, he’d done a lot of impossible things in his life, so maybe he wasn’t in denial.</p><p>“Tony!  What did she say?” Peter demanded.</p><p>Tony sighed.  “We can’t move any of the rocks or this will all come down on top of us.”</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened and he stared at the rocks pinning him down like someone facing their executioner.</p><p>“Oh my god.” He whispered before he tried yanking his leg out again with renewed fervor.</p><p>“Kid.  Kid.  Stop!  You’re going to hurt yourself.” Tony said.</p><p>“This is bad.  This is so bad.” Peter said, but he gave up after a few tries.</p><p>Tony kneeled down next to him and lifted his helmet.  “Hey.  Look at me.”</p><p>Peter listened, staring at him with unfettered fear in his eyes.</p><p>“I’m going to get you out, ok?” He said calmly.</p><p>Peter just blinked at him.</p><p>“Ok?” He repeated.</p><p>Peter nodded.</p><p>Rhodey landed behind him with a clang.</p><p>“Any luck?” Tony asked.</p><p>Rhodey’s helmet retracted and Tony could see in his eyes that it hadn’t worked.  His friend shook his head somberly.  “It’s no good.  The way it’s busted open, there’s no way to patch it or divert it.  At least not in the time we have.”</p><p>They both looked down at Peter, the water had risen to his chest.</p><p>“We’re running out of time.” Rhodey mumbled unnecessarily.  </p><p>“You think I don’t know that?” He snapped, the stress of the situation starting to eat away at him.  He grit his teeth and took a breath.  He hadn’t meant to lose it in front of the kid.</p><p>Rhodey jerked his hide to the side and they walked a fair distance from Peter before Rhodey said, “We need to talk about our options.”</p><p>Tony glanced over at the kid who was clearly listening but pretending not to listen at the same time.  He subtly shook his head before signaling for FRIDAY to put his helmet back in place.  Rhodey’s brow furrowed but he followed suit with his own helmet.</p><p>Tony opened a private channel with Rhodey as he explained, “We’ll have to talk this way unless we want him to hear us.”</p><p>“Right.  I forgot.  Super hearing.”</p><p>“Ok, so…you were talking options.”</p><p>“I think we’re running out of them.” Rhodey said.  The exact thing Tony had been thinking but had been afraid to voice.</p><p>“No no.  There has to be something.” He looked back at the enormous pile of rubble, trying to think.  What good was a genius IQ if he couldn’t get his kid out of this puzzle?</p><p>“I tried calling Strange but he didn’t answer.” Rhodey said.</p><p>Damn.  He hadn’t even thought of Strange.  And the man might’ve been able to help with his weird voodoo powers.  The fact that it was Peter who was trapped and in mortal peril was obviously messing with his ability to think more than he thought. </p><p>“Ok so that’s out.  Why are you even bringing it up?” His patience was wearing thin.</p><p>“Because I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it, and every other possibility has to be ruled out before even considering it.” Rhodey sighed.  “So, before I tell you, can you think of any other way?  Any other ideas?”</p><p>Tony toyed with his bottom lip between his teeth and tried with every ounce of brain power to figure out the answer to Peter’s impossible situation.  But he came up blank.  He shook his head.  “No.  I don’t know.  I guess as a last resort I was thinking I’d blow the rocks and try to drag him out in time.”</p><p>“That’ll never work.” Rhodey shut him down.  “All of FRIDAY’s models have that pile coming down on top of both of you before you can get free.”</p><p>Tony didn’t say anything.  He knew Rhodey was right.  But he also knew there was no way he wouldn’t try it if it came down to it.</p><p>“Ok so I’ve got nothing.” He admitted, glancing back at Peter where the water had risen another couple inches in the short time they’d been talking.</p><p>“Is Cho at the compound?” Rhodey asked and Tony instantly didn’t love the direction this was going.</p><p>“Yes.  Why?” He said shortly.</p><p>“How fast can you get there?” Rhodey ignored his question in favor of another one of his own.</p><p>FRIDAY calculated the answer and had it up on his screen within a second.  “Twelve minutes.  Why?”</p><p>“It’s a good thing we’re so close.” Rhodey muttered.</p><p>Tony narrowed his eyes.  Yeah, the psycho alien attack happening so close to their home base had been a real streak of luck.  None of this made any sense, but these questions sure weren’t sounding good.  He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like Rhodey’s idea, whatever it was.  “I’m failing to see how any of this matters.  Or how it’s going to help my kid.”</p><p>He could just imagine Rhodey’s face at those last two words.  The man teased him mercilessly about how he’d taken on the father figure role for Peter, and he’d just given him the perfect ammunition.  He waited for the jab, but Rhodey didn’t take the obvious opening.  That, more than anything before, set off alarm bells for him.</p><p>“Tony,” Rhodey, more serious than he’d heard his best friend sound in a long time, “you know what we need to do.”</p><p>He frowned at the statement because he had no idea.  “No I don’t.”</p><p>“Yes you do.  You just don’t want to see it.  Because it’s Peter.” </p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“You can’t admit it to yourself.” Rhodey continued.  “But it’s the only way.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He denied even as it all started to make a perfect kind of horrifying sense.</p><p>“Yes you do.” Rhodey insisted.  “And I know it sucks.  It’s terrible.”</p><p>Tony felt his breath start speeding up as Rhodey continued, “But we’re out of time.” </p><p>“No.  There’s got to be some other way.  Something I’m not seeing.” He protested desperately, Rhodey’s unvoiced plan too insane to even consider.</p><p>“There isn’t.  You know if there was, you would’ve thought about it by now.” Rhodey insisted.  And he hated that his friend was right.</p><p>“I don’t—  I can’t—” His hands started to shake at the very idea of it.  There was no way he could actually do it.  Thinking of having to do that to his kid made him want to throw up.  Or die.  He’d rather die than hurt Peter.</p><p>“Tony, we have to cut him free.” Rhodey said with a forced calm.  “Or he’s going to die.”<br/>
And that was the crux of the matter.  Rhodey was right.  There was no other option.  If they didn’t do this, his kid was going to die.</p><p>“Um I don’t mean to interrupt, but uh, things are getting a little um not so good over here.  Do we have a plan yet?” Peter called out to them.</p><p>They both looked back over at Peter.  The water had reached the bottom of his neck.  At the rate it was rising they probably had less than five minutes before his head would be submerged.</p><p>“Yeah kid.  We have a plan.” He said, surprised he was able to keep the tremble out of his voice.  Saying it felt like a death sentence.  </p><p>“Oh good.” Peter let out a relieved sigh and noticeably relaxed, and Tony had never hated himself more than in that moment.</p><p>When they didn’t elaborate and made no move to come toward him, Peter asked, “So…what is it?”</p><p>“Uh we’re still ironing out the details kid.” Tony said.  “Just give us one more minute.”</p><p>“Ok…” Peter eyed them dubiously, clearly doubting there was a solid plan, but not wanting to call Tony out on it. </p><p>Tony toggled his private comm to Rhodey back on and asked nervously, “Ok so what do we do?”</p><p>“I had FRIDAY call Cho so the team should be ready and waiting.  She gave FRIDAY the exact place to cut to give him the highest chance of a successful reattachment.”</p><p>“Jesus.” He felt like he was going to be sick.</p><p>“It’s the only way man.” Rhodey said, trying to keep him calm and Tony shook his head.  He didn’t know how his friend could face this so steadily.  Maybe it was some special military training.</p><p>“I can’t do it.  You’re going to have to be the one.” He said, breaths coming out in little pants again.  He didn’t even care that he was chickening out.  Peter wasn’t Rhodey’s kid. </p><p>“I can’t.  I don’t have the lasers like you do in your suit.  And Cho says that’s the best way.”</p><p>No.  No.  No no no no no.  He didn’t realize he was shaking his head and saying the words out loud until Rhodey’s hands clanged down on his shoulders.</p><p>“Tony!  Stop!  You need to pull it together.  We need to do this.  Now.  All right?”</p><p>Sure, that was easy enough to say.  Following through on it was a whole other thing.</p><p>“I’m going to be sick.” He admitted and got his helmet out of the way just in time to jerk away and lose his lunch all over the ground.</p><p>“Uh…Tony?  Are you ok?” Peter asked.</p><p>“We’ll be with you in one minute Pete.” Rhodey told Peter and then patted him on the back.  “Come on Tones.  We don’t have much time.”</p><p>“Ok.  Ok.  I know.” He muttered, spitting to clear some of the sick taste from his mouth before taking a few deep breaths.  He had to do this.  He straightened up and shrugged off Rhodey’s support.  The water had almost reached Peter’s chin.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Peter asked, fear filling his eyes when he saw whatever look was on Tony’s face.  </p><p>Tony glanced at Rhodey as his friend looked at him, communicating silently.  Tony didn’t want to be the one to tell the kid, but he knew it had to be him.  He gave his friend a short nod and they both walked over to Peter.</p><p>Tony knelt down so he was eye to eye with him.  “We have a way to get you out but it’s not good.”  He tried not to sugar coat it.</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened and he glanced over at Rhodey before looking back at him.  He licked his lips nervously and asked, “What is it?”</p><p>“We have to cut you free.” Tony explained.</p><p>Peter’s brow furrowed for a second trying to understand what he meant before the obvious conclusion hit him and shock lit up his face.  He was already shaking his head.</p><p>“You’re kidding.  This is a joke, right?” Peter asked but the way his voice shook Tony knew he understood the truth.</p><p>“I’m sorry kid.”</p><p>“No.  You’re joking.  Tell me you’re joking!”</p><p>“I’m not joking.” He said it like an apology.</p><p>“No!  You can’t!” Peter protested.</p><p>“We don’t have any other choice.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Buddy.  Peter.” He held Peter’s face in his hands.  “You know I would never do this if there was any other way.”</p><p>“I’d rather die.” </p><p>“No.”</p><p>“It’s my choice!” The water had passed his chin.</p><p>“It’s not.  I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>“I’ll go as fast as I can.”</p><p>“No.” Peter’s face crumpled, understanding that this was happening with or without his consent.</p><p>“Once it’s done I’m going to take you straight to Cho and she’s going to work her magic and put everything back together.  It’s not forever.” He hoped he wasn’t lying.  “It’s just to get you out.”</p><p>“I don’t want to.  Please.  Please don’t.” Tears ran down Peter’s cheeks, falling to mix with the water trying to overtake him.</p><p>“Tony.” Rhodey warned, the water starting to lap at Peter’s lower lip.  Pretty soon he wouldn’t be able to talk.</p><p>Tony swiped Peter’s tears away with his thumbs.  “I’m sorry.” He apologized again, leaning forward to kiss his kid’s forehead before pulling away.</p><p>“No!” Peter cried.  “No!  Nnn—”  The water cut him off as it reached his mouth but even as Tony moved to where Peter’s leg was trapped he heard Peter sputtering as he kept crying around the water.</p><p>“Breathe through your nose Pete.  Here, hold my hand.” He heard Rhodey trying to comfort his kid before addressing him, “Hurry up Tony.”</p><p>Right.  He had to hurry up and cut his kid’s leg off.  The helmet reformed over his head and he dove underwater, FRIDAY automatically highlighting Peter’s leg on his viewscreen along with the exact place he needed to slice through.  Oh god.  To keep the panic at bay he tried to take slow breaths in through his nose and out through his mouth.  He needed to keep it together.  The nanotech formed the laser he’d need in his hand.  He lined it up in the exact position he needed to cut.  And froze.</p><p>Oh god.  Oh god.  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t do this.  He couldn’t.  But he had to.  He had to or Peter was going to die.</p><p>“Ok ok ok ok.” He whispered to himself.  As soon as he activated the laser it almost became an out of body experience, like he was watching someone else about to slice through his kid’s leg.</p><p>The line of the laser hovered an inch above where he needed to cut, small bubbles rising up from it as it heated the water around it.  He clenched his teeth together so hard he worried they might crack as he cursed the universe for putting him in this situation.  For having to hurt his kid to save him.  He didn’t want to do it.  Every ounce of his being railed against it, but he had to do it.  He had to.  Or Peter was going to die.  He had to do this to save the kid.  The kid that he considered a son in every way but blood.  His kid.</p><p>“Tony!” Rhodey yelled in alarm.  With a commanding flick of his eyes Rhodey’s viewscreen came up in the corner of Tony’s screen.  Water covered Peter’s face up to his nose.  Shit.  Time was up.</p><p>Between one breath to the next time seemed to slow down as Tony brought the laser down and through Peter’s leg.  He didn’t know whether to be grateful for or feel even worse about the fact that couldn’t even hear Peter’s scream muffled as it was by the water, but he had no time to dwell on it.  The second his kid was free he surfaced and grabbed Peter under the arms.  Peter’s head lolled back against his chest, thankfully unconscious as Tony lifted him into the air so Rhodey could quickly tie a tourniquet around what was left at the end of Peter’s leg.  Tony couldn’t look.  He didn’t want to see it.</p><p>“Go.” Rhodey ordered.  “I’ll be right behind you.”</p><p>Tony blasted off into the air with Peter cradled in his arms, barely registering Rhodey diving under the water to salvage the other part of Peter’s limb now that he could pull it through the hole to the other side.</p><p>Tony cursed silently over and over like a mantra as he flew as fast as he could toward the compound, hating how ashen Peter’s complexion had become.  He had Peter’s vital signs up in the corner of his display and he watched as his heart rate kept increasing as he bled even with the tourniquet on.  And he was the reason.  He’d done this to him.  If anything happened to Peter, he’d never forgive himself.  He wouldn’t be able to live with it.  Bile rose up in his throat again but he forced it down.  There’d be plenty of time to freak out.  For now he needed to keep it together for his kid.  </p><p>A moment later, Peter groaned.</p><p>“No no no.  Stay asleep.  Stay asleep.  Don’t wake up.  Don’t wake up.” He whispered, pleading to a deity he wasn’t even sure he believed in. </p><p>Peter settled, falling silent again and Tony let out a short sigh of relief.  He didn’t want Peter awake and in pain.  Pain that he’d caused.  He didn’t want the kid to have to deal with that and he didn’t think he could handle it either.  </p><p>The rest of the trip passed in a blur.  Distantly he recognized he was in shock, a different kind than Peter, and that he was dissociating, but he embraced it instead of making any effort to fight it, finding the numbness preferable to anything else.</p><p>The compound came into view, and as soon as he landed, Cho and her team took Peter from him, rushing him off to the OR.  Rhodey landed less than a minute later and the two medical personnel that had stayed behind took the leg Rhodey gave them and hurried off after the rest of the team.</p><p>Tony didn’t notice he was standing there staring into the space they’d disappeared until Rhodey moved to stand right in front of him.</p><p>“Tony.” Rhodey said and Tony just blinked at him as he wondered when his friend had gotten out of the suit.</p><p>“Tony.” Rhodey repeated.</p><p>“What?” He responded but he didn’t even feel his mouth move as it formed the word.</p><p>“Come on.  Out of the suit.”</p><p>Oh.  Right.  The nanobots retracted into their housing but the second the armor was no longer there to hold him up he fell forward.</p><p>“Ok.” Rhodey said as he caught him and started guiding him down the hall into an empty room to deposit him on the couch.</p><p>“Breathe Tony.” Rhodey reminded him, sitting down next to him.</p><p>The instruction didn’t help.  He realized he was gasping like he couldn’t get enough oxygen.  A bout of dizziness hit him, so he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, trying to ground himself somehow, but not succeeding.</p><p>“It’s all right.  You’re all right.  Peter’s going to be all right.” Rhodey wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  “But you go ahead and freak out if you need to.  You kept it together man and that’s hard to do.  I don’t know if I would’ve been able to.”</p><p>Tony scoffed.  There was no doubt in his mind Rhodey would’ve handled it better than him.  But latching onto his friend’s words finally helped him break out of his panic, and he finally managed to slow his breathing down.</p><p>“There you go.” Rhodey encouraged.</p><p>The door clicked open and Tony’s head shot up, not wanting anyone to see him in such a vulnerable position.  But the tension evaporated from his body the second he saw it was Pepper.  For a moment he just stared at her, thinking he had to be hallucinating because there was no way she could’ve gotten there so quickly.</p><p>“I called her.” Rhodey explained softly and it seemed to break the spell.</p><p>“Oh my god, Tony.” Pepper exclaimed and she hurried over, dropping down in front of him to pull him into a hug.  And that did it.  He collapsed into her, forehead resting on her shoulder and let himself cry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ah! I know these are supposed to be one shots but I'm so bad at keeping things short, so this one is in two parts again.  When I had the idea for this one I didn't know if I could actually go there without making it too insanely dark, but I think it worked out ok?</p><p>Come hit me up on <a href="https://starryknight09.tumblr.com/">Tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Febuwhump Day 26: recovery</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“He’s asking for you.” Pepper said quietly as she came up behind him.</p>
<p>“He shouldn’t be.” He said, his voice dead, like the rest of him felt, as he stood staring out the floor to ceiling windows but not seeing.  </p>
<p>“That doesn’t change the fact that he is.” Pepper sighed.</p>
<p>“I can’t.” Tony said, voice breaking.  He scrunched his eyes closed to try to keep the tears at bay and decided he preferred the darkness of his eyelids.  The bright summer sunshine mocked him.</p>
<p>“He needs you to be there for him now.” Pepper said gently, but it was still a reprimand.</p>
<p>“I know.” He did.  “But…I can’t.  I can’t face him.  After what I did him...” He took a few short breaths to try to keep from losing it again.  God, if he couldn’t even talk about it, how could Pepper expect him to stare the evidence of it in the face.</p>
<p>“He doesn’t blame you honey.”</p>
<p>“I know.” He practically spat.  Because he did know.  Even as he’d been cutting through perfectly healthy flesh, he’d known Peter wouldn’t blame him for it because he was Peter Parker, the most amazing, bright, compassionate person Tony had ever met. </p>
<p>Pepper sighed and Tony couldn’t quite help adding on, “But he should.”</p>
<p>The image of Peter lying in the water begging him not to hurt him flashed through his mind.  He gasped and rubbed at his face to try to cover it.</p>
<p>But of course Pepper knew him better than that.  Her hand came up to rest against his back in silent support.  After a long minute of comfortable silence, Tony managed to get a grip again and Pepper spoke, “He doesn’t blame you because he knows you just did what you had to, and he loves you.  He’s worried about you.”</p>
<p>“He shouldn’t be worrying about me.” He shook his head.  “He should be focusing on himself.”</p>
<p>“Helen said she expects he’ll make a complete recovery without any deficits within a month or two.  His healing factor really is amazing.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Cho had told him the same thing a couple hours ago.  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  Thank god for that.  If Peter had residual numbness or an inability to flex his ankle or something like it, Tony didn’t think he would’ve been able to look him in the eye ever again.</p>
<p>“It’s been two days.  You’re really not going to go see him?” Pepper prodded.  Peter may have been in the medbay for the last two days, but Tony knew this was the first time he’d been awake.  Even though he hadn’t been physically with him, he’d been closely monitoring his recovery.</p>
<p>He shook his head at Pepper’s question.  He couldn’t see him yet.  He wasn’t ready.  Even though he knew it was terrible to not come when his kid was hurt and asking for him.  But he just couldn’t make his feet move toward the door.</p>
<p>“If you’re not going to go to your suffering child’s bedside,” Pepper said, pulling out the big guns and ouch that hurt, “then at least take a shower.  You reek.”</p>
<p>He probably did.  He hadn’t showered since before the mission.  Or really slept.  Or ate much, besides whatever Pepper and Rhodey had shoved down his throat.  Time had just passed in a surreal blurry fog and it continued to do so.</p>
<p>“I will.” He mumbled.</p>
<p>“Good.” Pepper sighed.  “I’m going to go tell Peter you’re not coming.”</p>
<p>Tony bit his lower lip so hard he almost drew blood.  Right as he heard Pepper open the door, he told her, “Tell him I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>He heard her pause in the doorway for a few seconds until she finally answered, “No.  You’ll have to tell him that yourself.”  The door clicked closed softly behind her but she may as well have slammed it.</p>
<p>Tony had done some pretty appalling things in his life, but he’d never been as ashamed as he was in that moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He showered.  And afterwards, he slept.  Because he couldn’t handle another conscious second with himself and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do.  </p>
<p>It turned out to be a mistake.  His dreams tormented him.  Peter was trapped with the water rising, unable to get free, and he was drowning.  Drowning.  </p>
<p>And then everything seemed to rewind and the water was lower but Peter was stuck again with the threat of death still so close Tony felt like he could touch it and Peter was begging him not to take his leg.  Pleading over and over.  <em>Please.  Please.  I don’t want to.  Please don’t.  Please.</em></p>
<p>Tony’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, gasping as if he’d run a marathon.  His shirt was soaked in sweat.  Great.  He’d need to take another shower.</p>
<p>“Tones?”</p>
<p>His gaze flicked over to the doorway where Rhodey stood, probably what had woken him in the first place.</p>
<p>“What time is it?” He croaked.  His brain felt like it was in a fog.  He had the familiar sleep hangover feeling from finally resting after going too long without it.</p>
<p>“It’s four in the afternoon.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” He had no clue what time the talk with Pepper had happened.</p>
<p>“What time did you fall asleep?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  What time did Pepper leave?” He knew Rhodey would know.  The two of them were probably in cahoots.</p>
<p>“Nine.” </p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“Did you get some good sleep?” Rhodey asked.</p>
<p>He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to wake up. “I wouldn’t say good.  But I slept.  That’s got to count for something right?”</p>
<p>Rhodey gave him a half shoulder shrug.</p>
<p>“So are you here to yell at me too?” He asked as he stood.  If his best friend was going to give him the third degree, he needed coffee.</p>
<p>Rhodey crossed his arms over his chest.  Yep.  Looked to be the case.</p>
<p>“You need to get your head out of your ass and go see your kid.” Rhodey said like an order.</p>
<p>Tony walked right past him toward the kitchen.  This definitely called for coffee.</p>
<p>“Tony.” Rhodey sighed in disappointment but followed him.  “I’m not kidding.  You cut his leg off.  You can’t just disappear.”</p>
<p>“You’re right.” He spun to face Rhodey as he erupted.  “I cut his leg off!  I did that!  I did this to him.  My kid!  And now I’m supposed to go to him and what?  Pretend everything’s all good between us?  He should hate me.  He begged me not to do it.  <em>Begged me</em> and I didn’t listen.  I did it anyway.  Seeing me should be the very last thing he wants to do.  I don’t know how he could even bear to look at me.  It’ll probably traumatize him even more.”</p>
<p>Rhodey took the rant without twitching a single facial muscle.  “Are you done?” He asked calmly.</p>
<p>Tony huffed and turned back around to continue his trek to the coffeemaker.  He didn’t need the attitude from his friend and his outburst had left him feeling out of sorts.  He heard Rhodey following close behind, but when they got to the kitchen his friend just sat on the counter stool and watched as he slammed things around, making his coffee.</p>
<p>After he’d brewed a cup and shoved another angrily in front of Rhodey, his friend spoke again, “How long is this pity party going to go on for?”</p>
<p>Tony glared at him as he sipped his brew.</p>
<p>“Because we both know that’s what this is.” Rhodey kept going.  “And you should know better.  You’re a dad now.  You know that sometimes, actually a lot of times, you have to do things you don’t want to for the sake of your kids.”</p>
<p>“And you got this infinite wisdom from all your experience dealing with your own kids?” He snapped.</p>
<p>“Don’t be an asshole when I’m trying to help you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, is that what you’re trying to do here?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Rhodey shook his head in consternation.  “You know, if you don’t go see him, you’re going to regret it.”</p>
<p>“You think I don’t know that?”</p>
<p>“If you do, then why are you here instead in the medbay, holding your kid’s hand?”</p>
<p>“Because I can’t!” He yelled, slamming his hands down on the countertop.  Because he wasn’t strong enough.  He didn’t voice that part.  As he took a step back from the counter, from Rhodey, he made a fist with his left hand, trying to keep the sudden stress tremors at bay.  God, this always happened when it came to his kid.</p>
<p>“Tony.” Rhodey said with a sad sigh.  “I get it.  It’s hard.  I can’t even imagine how hard.  To have to do what you did.  But it’s over.  And neither of you are going to be able to move on if you don’t talk it out.”</p>
<p>Tony scoffed, opening and closing his fist as his other good hand massaged his wrist, as if that would help.  “It’s that easy huh?”</p>
<p>Rhodey’s eyes narrowed as he watched him toy with his hand and answered distractedly, “No.  It’s hard.  I literally just said it was hard.  Did you not hear a single word that just came out of my mouth?”</p>
<p>Tony let go of his wrist and waved a hand in the air as he rolled his eyes.  “I got the gist.  You want me to go see the kid, so we can have a kumbaya moment and everything can go back to normal.  Is that about right?”</p>
<p>“Basically, yes.” Rhodey agreed and then took a long sip of his coffee, eyeing him over the lid.</p>
<p>Tony let out a heavy sigh.  He knew he wasn’t going to win this one and he was sick of arguing.  “Fine.” He agreed.</p>
<p>“Fine?” Rhodey repeated skeptically.  “So…you’ll go?  Just like that?”</p>
<p>“What can I say?  You’ve convinced me.” The words didn’t sound convincing even to him.</p>
<p>“Why do I feel like this is a trick?”</p>
<p>“Because you’re a suspicious person, borderlining on paranoid?</p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t think that’s it.” Rhodey shook his head.</p>
<p>Tony shrugged.</p>
<p>“It just seems too easy.  I thought I’d have to drag you down there myself kicking and screaming.”</p>
<p>Tony rolled his eyes again and took a drink of coffee instead of responding.  As if Rhodey would actually be able to accomplish that.</p>
<p>“Ok.  Fine.  I’ll leave you alone if promise me you’ll head down to the kid’s room this afternoon.” Rhodey said.</p>
<p>Tony held a hand up in a mock boy scout salute.  “I promise.”</p>
<p>“Ok.  I’m going to choose to believe you.” Rhodey said even as he narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously.</p>
<p>Tony gave him the thumbs up while he took a drink of his coffee.</p>
<p>“I’m going to go, but I expect to hear you’re down there in the next couple hours.” Rhodey said, leaving his mostly untouched coffee mug on the counter.  “If you’re not, I’m going to have no choice but to bring in the big guns.”</p>
<p>Tony frowned as he watched his friend leave.  Big guns?  Pepper had already been up here.  Maybe he meant Morgan.  Her puppy dog eyes were almost impossible to resist.  Either way, he had no intention of going down to see Peter.  He knew Rhodey wouldn’t be surprised.  Tony knew he should feel guilty about lying to him and disappointing him, but by this point in their relationship, his friend was used to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling while the television droned on mindlessly in the background, when he heard his door open and slam closed.  He frowned, wondering for a second who it could be.  Pepper usually didn’t slam doors and it wasn’t Rhodey’s MO either.</p>
<p>“Stark!” The last voice he wanted to hear called out to him.  His eyes widened and he jackknifed up to a seated position as if he’d been electrocuted. </p>
<p>“May.” He said as he caught sight of her, stalking toward him like she was a lion in the savannah and he was a helpless zebra and not the head of the most successful company in the world and the savior of the universe.</p>
<p>“Uh…” He scrambled to a stand, not wanting to be sitting when she finally got to him.</p>
<p>“I’ve got a bone to pick with you mister.” She wagged her finger at him.</p>
<p>He imagined she did.  He’d cut her kid’s leg off.  He’d been avoiding her almost as much as Peter, not wanting to hear all the terrible things he’d been thinking about himself come spewing out of her mouth.</p>
<p>“May.” He said, swallowing hard as he held both his hands up, palms out.  “I’m so so sorry.”</p>
<p>“You better be.” May glared at him.</p>
<p>“I am.  You have no idea how sorry I am.  If there’d been any other way I would’ve—”</p>
<p>“Hold on.” May interrupted, holding up a hand.  “You’re sorry for what you had to do to Peter?”</p>
<p>Tony faltered for a second before sputtering, “I-yes-I mean of-of course I am.  How could you think I wouldn’t be?”</p>
<p>“Tony.” May let out an exasperated sigh.  “I’m not mad at you for what you did.”</p>
<p>“You’re not?” He blinked in shock.</p>
<p>“No.  Of course not.” She shook her head.  “You did what you had to do.  Rhodey told me what happened.  If you hadn’t cut Peter free, he would’ve died.  I…” May closed her eyes as if to bolster herself before continuing, “Honestly, I’m grateful for you.”</p>
<p>Tony’s gaped at her.</p>
<p>“If it’d been me.  I don’t know if I would’ve been able to do what you did.  So thank you.  Thank you for saving my baby’s life.” May said, placing a hand on his shoulder to show her gratitude.</p>
<p>Tony didn’t know what to say.  She wasn’t reacting the way he’d thought she would and he was all kinds of confused.  “So…if you’re not mad at me about that, then what are you mad about?”</p>
<p>It was like a switch flipped.  May pulled her hand away and her face grew stormy again.  “Why am I mad?”</p>
<p>Tony knew hearing that question was never good.  It was one of Pepper’s favorite techniques to deal with him when he did something wrong.  He opened and closed his mouth but nothing came out, his usual quick wit failing him.</p>
<p>“Because you went through this traumatizing thing with my kid and then you ghosted him!” May yelled.</p>
<p>Oh.  That made sense.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” He apologized.</p>
<p>“If you’re sorry, then why are you still here and not down there with him?” May crossed her arms.</p>
<p>“I just…I can’t face him.” He admitted.  “All of this is my fault.  I-I hurt him.  He begged me not to and…” He closed his eyes as he tried to regain his composure.  He didn’t want May to see him cry.  He could count on one hand the number of people who had ever witnessed that and he didn’t want to add May to that list.</p>
<p>“Tony.” May said, but her voice was soft.  </p>
<p>He shook his head as he rubbed his eyes with his fingers.  </p>
<p>“Here.  Sit down.” May pressed down on his shoulders and he didn’t resist, sitting down on the couch.  After another few long seconds, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault.” May said slowly.  “You saved Peter’s life.  He knows that.  Of course he didn’t want you to," she hesitated for a second before continuing, “to do what you had to do.  But he was a scared kid, and you were the adult.  You did what he needed you to do to save his life.  You put his needs before everything else.” May reached out to grasp his hand.  “That’s what a parent does.  And I know we don’t really talk about it, but we all know that’s what you are to him.”</p>
<p>Tony nodded.  It was true.  He considered Peter his kid just as much as Morgan.</p>
<p>“And that means you need to show up.  Even when it’s hard.” May said.  “I shouldn’t need to tell you.  You know this.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He agreed, his throat still tight.  “I do.”</p>
<p>“Ok, so what are you going to do now?” May asked, squeezing his hand.</p>
<p>“I’m going to go talk to my kid.”</p>
<p>“There you go.” May smiled.</p>
<p>“Are you coming with me?” He asked, suddenly nervous at the prospect of facing Peter, the most unintimidating human on the planet.</p>
<p>“I think this is something you have to do yourself slugger.” May said patting the top of his hand and standing.  “But I will walk you down there, because I heard all about how you promised Rhodey you’d come and then never did.”</p>
<p>Tony huffed.  “Because that’s Rhodey.  I would never lie to you May.” </p>
<p>“Yeah ok you big schmoozer, let’s go.”</p>
<p>Tony didn’t argue.  He stood and followed her out.  He just hoped he’d be able to look at Peter without breaking down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>May walked him all the way to Peter’s room in the medbay and waited until Tony turned the doorknob and took a step into the room before leaving him.  Wow, she really didn’t trust him, although he supposed he deserved it.  </p>
<p>The lights in Peter’s room were dim and for a split second Tony held onto the hope that maybe Peter was asleep and he’d get a free pass.  But no such luck.</p>
<p>“Tony?” Peter slurred from the bed.  Seeing the evidence of what he’d done sent a shock of pain through his heart.  Peter was lying there because of him.  At least both his legs were still there, under the covers but clearly visible.  Thank god the reattachment had gone off without a hitch.</p>
<p>“Yeah kid, it’s me.” He answered softly, taking the empty seat next to Peter’s bed.  “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“Hmmm I’m ok.” Peter blinked owlishly at him a few times.  He was obviously on some good pain meds and Tony was glad.  He didn’t want him in any pain.  “Where have you been?”</p>
<p>He briefly thought about lying.  He could make up some excuse about some important Avengers or SI business he couldn’t avoid, but he didn’t want to do that.  Because the truth was none of those things would’ve ever kept him from being at his kid’s bedside and he didn’t want Peter to think otherwise.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry kid.” He said reaching out to hold Peter’s hand.  “I should’ve been here.  I just…  This was really hard for me.  Not as hard as it was for you obviously, but—” He ran a hand through his hair.  He was completely butchering this.  “I needed some time to process everything.  And I know it’s no excuse but—”</p>
<p>“It’s ok.  I understand.  It’s a lot.” Peter nodded gravely but his pupils were so small Tony wondered if he’d even remember this conversation.  “And I’m sorry too.”</p>
<p>“What are you sorry for?” Tony frowned.</p>
<p>“For being a baby.”</p>
<p>“What?” The kid wasn’t making sense.  Maybe he should’ve waited until Peter was on less pain medication to have this heavy conversation.</p>
<p>“When you had to…you know.  I was a baby about it.”</p>
<p>Tony’s jaw dropped before he managed to gather himself.  He shook his head.  “No no no.  You have nothing to be sorry for and you definitely weren’t a baby.”</p>
<p>“Yes I was.  I begged you not to do it like a scared little kid and then I cried.” Peter’s face crumpled and Tony’s heart broke.  He hadn’t heard the crying part, that must’ve come when he’d been underwater, but he could imagine it.  </p>
<p>“Ironman wouldn’t have cried.” Peter added, his shame clear and Tony couldn’t handle it.  Peter had lived through a trauma.  He’d had his leg cut off and he was ashamed he’d cried?</p>
<p>“Um, yeah, Ironman definitely would’ve cried.” Tony said, brushing his hand over Peter’s curls.  “Trust me.  You were brave.  Much braver than Ironman would’ve been.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Definitely.” Tony nodded.  “And I…I did cry Pete.  Afterward.”  The pre-Morgan Tony never would’ve admitted that, but he thought it was important for Peter to know the truth.  He idolized Tony enough as it was.  He didn’t want him picking up his emotional constipation.</p>
<p>“You did?” Peter’s eyes widened, disbelief clear.  </p>
<p>“I did.” He nodded gravely.  “And I want you to know kid, I’m so sorry for hurting you.”</p>
<p>“You had to.  Or I would’ve died.” Peter frowned as if he didn’t understand.</p>
<p>“Well yeah but—”</p>
<p>“No.  No buts.” Peter interrupted, squinting at him as if he was hard to see.  Tony didn’t know if it was a side of effect of the painkillers or the low light.  “You always do this.  You blame yourself for everything.”</p>
<p>“Well in this case it actually was my fault.  I don’t know how—”</p>
<p>Peter reached his hand out and covered Tony’s mouth to get him to stop talking.  “Shh.  You saved my life.  And if you really need to hear it, then I forgive you, even though I think it’s ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“It’s nice to hear all the same.”  Tony said and then cocked his head to the side and smiled down at him.  “You know you’re the most amazing kid don’t you?”</p>
<p>“I know.” Peter grinned at him goofily.  “I’m awesome.”</p>
<p>Tony laughed.  “You really are.  I love you kid.”</p>
<p>“I know.  I love you too.” Peter’s eyes slipped closed, but he opened them again a few seconds later.  “You’re not leaving, are you?”</p>
<p>“No kid.  I’m staying.” Tony reassured him, brushing a hand through his hair again.</p>
<p>“Ok.” Peter muttered and his eyes closed again.</p>
<p>“I’m not going anywhere.  I’m going to be stuck to you like glue.  You’re going to get so sick of me, you’ll be begging me to leave you alone.”</p>
<p>Peter smiled and whispered, “Sounds good.”</p>
<p>“And I don’t want you to worry kiddo.” He said, raking his fingers through Peter’s hair. “We’ll have you up and running around again in no time.  I promise.”  It was one promise he had no intention of breaking.  “Ok kid?”</p>
<p>Peter didn’t respond.</p>
<p>“Pete?”</p>
<p>His kid let out a soft little snore, obviously asleep.  Tony smiled.</p>
<p>“Good night buddy.” He whispered as he leaned forward to drop a kiss on his forehead. </p>
<p>He sat back in his chair, shifting back and forth, trying to get comfortable for the long haul because he’d meant what he’d said.  He wasn’t leaving Peter any time soon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Annnnnd I got this done just in the nick of time.  Only two more Febuwhump days left...  Whew!</p>
<p>Come hit me up on <a href="https://starryknight09.tumblr.com/">Tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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